My Emotional Journey

I had quite a journey yesterday. I want to share. WARNING: THIS IS A LONG POST!

As I was on Facebook I saw a picture of a guy friend from high school, posing with a girl and they seemed very happy. Then I read the caption with the picture "She said yes". Here's what went through my head... "wait, he's engaged? I thought he was married... I KNOW he was married... What happened?" So that shows you how much I keep up with some friends from high school. In my defense, he's a guy, and I try to keep guy relationships at a safe distance. He is also a previous crush that I had through ALL of high school, I also was convinced that I was going to marry him (not like "haha, you're cute" kind of convinced, but I was really convinced. I wrote him on his mission, and happened to be single when he got back, then he broke my heart... hard... like really hard (side note: the reason why he broke my heart so bad wasn't because he did anything horrible, he just didn't give me closure (which we all know not communicating with me is like an unpardonable sin in my book, I have a HUGE need for communication) and also because I was that smitten)). I promise, there was a reason why I disclosed all that information. Ya, makes sense why I'm not that close with him anymore.

Anyway, when I saw that he was engaged (yesterday), I had a lot of emotions running through my head. He got married after I did, like a year after I did so his first marriage couldn't have lasted that long. I immediately jumped to: "please tell me that his wife died..." I know that's horrible, but then that would explain his marital status, and divorce wouldn't be in the picture. He's a really good kid, and I couldn't imagine him getting a divorce. Long story short, I did some serious stalking and found out he must have gotten a divorce. I was really shaken by this news.

Ok... there's the background, let me tell you about my journey.

My first thought was horrible. My first thought was "it's a good thing I didn't marry him, because then I would be the one divorced." I know, horrible... Don't judge. I don't think things like that often, maybe it was because of the of pain he caused me. Other thoughts passed through my head, like the small issues he had communicating with me, or other faults he may have had. These thoughts lingered for a long time. Ya horrible, I know. Stick with me, it gets better.

I just couldn't get him out of my head, I was so shocked that such a good guy was divorced after such a short time. How could that happen? Then better thoughts started coming to mind. I started thinking about the good people I know who are divorced, more specifically the good young people I know. I only know a few, but in every situation of marriages ending early (under two years) it's because of abuse. Granted, this is not always the case, but this was the next thought that I had. I liked this situation a lot better than my original "he is a monster and he can't have a healthy relationship" thought. He very well could have been a victim of something horrible, and the early termination of his marriage could have been completely out of his control. This possibility felt so much better on my nerves.

As I was mulling those thoughts in my head, this thought came to mind. "He's a good guy, yes he has faults, but I'm sure they aren't any worse than any other imperfect person in a healthy relationship". This hit me hard. Yes, he has faults, so do I , everyone does. The miracle of it all is that our faults don't have to be fatal to our relationships. That's what's so wonderful about the atonement, and about the miracle of forgiveness. That's the key, though, we have to forgive, forget, and move on. Don't let the imperfections of those we love get in the way of loving them. I'm really grateful I had that thought, because that was a huge ah-ha. I feel like that was pure inspiration.

Can you tell that I was thinking about this for a long time? The news had a HUGE impact on me, and I thought about it all day. I'm grateful that I did, though, because I went on a journey. One that started out in a really bad spot, full of judgement and criticism. Thankfully, it didn't end there, I was able to get to a point where I really feel like I have just as much respect for him as I did when he was on his mission (minus the infatuation ;) ). My journey ended with peace, respect and a little insight on how to improve my own relationships.

So... Love those you love. Assume the best; it's so much better for your emotional health.