I just have to get this off my chest. I have been thinking about this for a while, and I have come to a conclusion that I'm just awkward. Let me explain.
I went to a ward party today without Jonathan, because he is Minnesota. At one point, I was talking to two married men, their wives were somewhere else so it was just us three. It was outside, and there were lots of people around, and it was just a friendly conversation. I found myself, when I realized that I was the only female in the conversation that I got super uncomfortable. I don't know what it is, but I feel that way whenever I try to have a normal conversation with a man when I'm alone, and it isn't in a group conversation.
There is one particular guy in our ward who we have become pretty good friends with (along with his wife, and three kids). He is a very friendly, excitable, and welcoming person. He has a wonderful relationship with his wife, and he also isn't afraid to make conversation with anyone, including women in the ward.
*Side note* I'm probably over sensitive because almost my entire married life I have been in a ward where I'm surrounded by people who have also been married for less than a few years, and who are also probably trying to figure out this new way of making relationships... as a married person.
Anyway... Like I said, he is very welcoming, and wants to make sure I feel at home in the ward, and wants to make sure we're on friendly terms. He's one of those people that his personal bubble is a bit smaller than everyone else, and he lights up when he catches someone's eye and he can get a chance to talk to them. (Have I painted a good picture of him? He's very great, and not awkward at all, just very friendly.)
but... he makes me feel uncomfortable! Every time he walks over I feel like I need to grab Jonathan's hand, and make sure he's part of the conversation too... I don't know why! Probably because almost any male interaction I had (from the time I was about 12, until I started dating Jonathan) all I did was flirt. Especially when I got out of high school, it didn't matter if he was a few years younger than me or ten years older than me, if he was single (and decent), I was flirting with him. I did that even with my guy friends, that I didn't have any interest in.
So my conclusion? When I was 12, and starting to try to flirt with boys, I was awkward. I didn't really get comfortable with flirting till I was probably around 18. Since it took me about 6 years to get the hang of flirting, I'm sure I can expect it to take at least that long to not be awkward when talking to men as a married woman. So I have been in this new phase of life (married, and no longer flirting) for two years, I can expect in about four more years that I can be comfortable and confidant when I talk to men, single or otherwise.
That's all. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Oh! I can relate. I remember I had this one friend I made while working at the temple, and her husband worked there too. And the way he spoke was so flirtatious, it make me feel real uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteI remember in some point in collage realizing that if I was all fun and bouncy talking to a girl, I was just fun. But if I was talking to a guy, I was a flirt. You're right. After a few years, you'll have down how to talk to other men. You just have to be boring and logical when speaking with other men, instead of fun (unless, of coarse, you'r in a group including your hubby). :)