Corbin is a Preschooler!

Corbin had his first day on the Monday after Cambria started. He is still speech delayed, so he gets to ride the bus! I was a little nervous about how that would go considering when we walked around on the bus on his orientation day he wouldn't even step on it without clinging to me the whole time.

On his first day, Cambria rode the bus with him (because her bus stop is 4 houses down and they pick up at the same time and drop off in the same location). He walked on without a backward glance, and came home with a smile on his face!

The first week was a little rough, Corbin didn't engage much (I got a note from his teacher), but turned out that he gave himself a fever by Friday. I think he stressed himself out, to the point that he made himself sick. I haven't gotten another note from his teacher, so I'm hoping that means that he's starting to engage in class more.

Turned out that Jonathan's first day of teaching as a tenure-track professor was Corbin's first day too! I had to take that photo opp.

Cambria's in Kindergarten!

This was a big week for us! School started... well, Monday is Corbin's first day, but last week we had orientations and parent meetings, and Cambria had her first day.

Cambria has been so excited to start kindergarten! On Wednesday we visited her school and classroom, she was a little wary but was jumping around as we left. I think she's going to like it once she gets to know the kids in her class. Her teacher seems to be very kind and understanding!

She is riding the bus! Can you believe that? At first, I thought there is no way I'm letting my 5-year-old on a bus by herself! But there are a few 5th-grade girls in our ward that have taken her under her wing. One of which is at the exact same bus stop. That made me feel much better. Plus, waiting at a bus stop is SO MUCH EASIER than picking up and dropping off! (not to mention that the pick-up and drop-off situation sounds like a horrible hassle at this school. It's not designed for a lot of traffic, so there's lots of traffic jams and stuff.)

Can I just say that having Cambria gone from 8:30-3:30 is a long time?! I wasn't expecting to feel that!

She's so big! 

lessons learned from therapy

I decided around December 2017 that it would be good to go to therapy again. Things had gone south again, I was having anxiety attacks and it wasn’t something I knew how to deal with. I found a therapist that was absolutely amazing!

Now that I have moved away, I obviously am not seeing her anymore. So I wanted to make a list of things that I have learned while going to her.

1. First of all, not every therapist is created equal. My last therapist was such a help to me and really taught me so much. The other two I had paled in comparison. I’m sure they were great therapists, but just not what I needed.

2. My biggest take home was the realization (and complete acceptance of) this concept: my worth is infinite. As I’m typing this, all the lessons from Young Womens comes back and I think “well duh!” But let me explain! I knew that was true, but I didn’t believe it. Why? Because every time I looked at my sink at the end of the day (or even my table) and I saw dishes that were from BREAKFAST still sitting there, a little voice in my mind would say “you are such a bad home maker. You can’t even take care of a simple thing like dishes” bla bla bla. And I would believe it. How could I be all that awesome if my kitchen looked like that? That was just one example, but I would do this with a lot of areas in my life. I just yelled at my kids = I’m a bad mom. I don’t play with them as much as I think so-and-so does = I’m a bad mom.
… you get my drift. Well I had a breakthrough while in therapy. God loves me right where I am. He loves me PERFECTLY just as I am.  And if I get the dishes done that day, although that’s great, it doesn’t make Him love me more. The same is true the opposite way, if I don’t do the dishes, He doesn’t love me any less. Nothing that I do (good or bad) changes the way that He feels about me, or my worth as a human being (or spiritual being).

3. To go along with #2, I stopped using the terms “good mom” “bad mom” or anything like it. It doesn’t matter how many tallys on my “mom board” I have. I feel so much better if I just stop tallying all that I do. Just try to do good, and let the chips fall and not worry about it.

4. Both of those things are basically talking about my thought processes and how I use self talk. I learned a lot about those two things. It’s important to step back and check my thinking. I found a fantastic podcast about thought processes that I want to explore more, but it was such a mind blowing way of dissecting our thoughts that I just have to share it.

5. I learned that I repress “bad” emotions. “I shouldn’t feel this way”… my therapist said over and over: all emotions are ok, not all responses are ok. Which then we played with (going back to #2) All of me is ok, but not all of my behaviors are ok. Which, again, is a freeing thought.
It’s OKAY to feel anything that you are feeling, in fact, if you suppress it, it doesn’t ever go away, but if you feel it and sit with it for a while, then it will dissipate and you can move on.

6. I also learned some coping strategies for when I start feeling anxious. (the whole reason I started going). Mainly some self talk ques, and breathing techniques.

There were other things, but they were personal and not so universal. I feel like these things above could possibly help others as well. I really feel like every single person would benefit from learning some of these techniques. I often say I feel like everyone needs therapy, but there are other ways to learn how to check your thinking and stuff. I’m so grateful I was able to go, and learn so much. It definitely changed my life, and I hope it continues to. 

I'm back

Hi all!
It's been wayyyyyy too long! I always have really good excuses for my lack of blogging. This time it's a computer that doesn't really work. It still doesn't work well, but I'm just going to go with it...

I have a really good idea for a blog post, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, since my last blog post we have moved from Indiana to Ohio, I turned 30 (so did Jonathan... both of our celebrations were epic), I'm expecting baby number 4, we found out he is a boy, ... ... and so much more!

Here's to trying to periodically do this more often.

First primary program!

Cambria participated in her first primary program! I couldn't help but feel all the feelings as I saw her sitting up on the stand.

It's amazing to me how starkly different each child feels in front of people. Each child is unique, but somehow you get the same "types" of kids in every program 😊. Cambria sat next to one sunbeam who had the bright eyes and huge smile on her face the whole time. The other one took the more shy approach. They were all so cute!

Cambria seems to be very obedient in a classroom setting. I couldn't help but feel pride as she sang almost all the words to all the songs (which, by the way, was all her. I didn't work on the songs at all with her) and confidently said her part.

Many of my closest friends are moms to sunbeams, (and they are all the oldest kids too) and I couldn't help but look and see the pride on their faces too.

It's moments like this. Yay for good moments as a mom 😊

my haircut

I kind of cut my hair on a whim.

As I was on my trip, I realized how much time my hair demanded (which I didn't give it on the trip, and it just looked bad almost all the time). One day I started thinking about it and decided that I wanted to cut my hair. I started researching on pinterest and found one style that I loved! It was short and it was curly!

I wanted something that was cut with the intention of it being styled curly. I've never had a cut like that, and thought if it was cut to look good curly, then I probably would style it curly.

So without further ado:

before: (It's so long I can't even get all of it in the pic)

After!!

I love it curly! It's not the best pic, but I really love it curly!!

Food and Anxiety

About a year ago, I started accepting the fact that something was up, that how I was feeling didn't fall within a "normal" (for lack of a better word) emotional spectrum. I started going to therapy and after a few sessions, I asked my therapist what she thought of me. She told me I definitely have anxiety. She said I am very tightly wound.

A few of my friends had started making some major changes in their diet for one reason or another. As I was talking to one of them she said that she did an in depth study of the Word of Wisdom and got some very clear instruction for how she needed to change her family's diet. That got me thinking, and praying. You know the phrase "you are what you eat"? Well, as I thought about things, I felt like the food I put into my body probably has a lot more to do with how I feel than I was giving credit for. I started lightly researching food and emotional health, with not much luck. So then I felt like I needed to study the Word of Wisdom, like my friend had.

As I studied, I also received specific instruction for what I needed to change in my eating habits. Mainly, I needed to add more variety and increase my consumption of vegetables. I jumped in with both feet and it lasted for about a month. But I was pregnant and we were on a grad student budget. Once I saw how much it cost to eat that way, I went back to the way we ate before with the idea that we would jump back in when we started our post-doc and I was no longer pregnant.

We started eating more veggie-heavy meals after Aveya was born, and have been ever since. I didn't put the two together, but my anxiety was also pretty low. Well, we went on vacation for 5 weeks and my diet drastically changed. By the end of the trip I was an emotional mess, and this week (the first full week we've been back) I've been one big ball of anxiety and nerves.

Again, I didn't put the two together till maybe yesterday. But I think I have received a confirmation that I am what I eat, and I can attest to the fact that I feel better when I eat better. For me, it comes out in my emotional health, for some others it may come out in energy or something else.

So here's to healthy eating, and getting back into the swing of eating better.