The secret is out

I have stopped nursing Corbin. There. The secret is out. It took me a long time to be ok with saying that out loud.

I feel like the decision to stop nursing Corbin was a really hard one. And I feel like I need to explain myself every time I pull out the bottle in public. Why is it that feeding your baby is such a charged topic?

Since I feel like I need to explain, let me explain. Corbin has had reflux ever since he was born. On top of that he was cranky and seemed uncomfortable all the time. He spit up way more than Cambria did, who also had reflux, and his spit up stunk. He could rip a smelly one better than most adults, and man, did it stink! He also had eczema on his face that I couldn't get rid of. His crankyness got to a point that he was inconsolable after he ate at least once a day. I tried going off of milk for two weeks and literally on day 14, after not seeing any positive improvement I was convinced that it wasn't dairy, and moved on. 

It got to a point where I would get anxious when I fed him, and then when he would spit up and cry inconsolably and I just couldn't help but feel like I was causing him all this discomfort! It was a very emotional time, but for some reason not nursing Corbin wasn’t an option in my head. But like I said, the thought kept coming that I was causing my baby so much discomfort, and I couldn't live with that anymore. I talked to my mom about it when I was dreaming about stopping and she empowered me. She really gave me some good advice, and helped me realize that there is nothing wrong with trying formula. After all, all I was trying to do was to provide food that wasn't causing discomfort for my baby. I felt so selfish for not being willing to cut dairy out of my diet to see if that was what was causing the problem. She helped me realize that that wasn't selfish at all! 

Oh, and icing on top of this potentially-alergic-to-milk-cake. I was done nursing. Corbin was very easily distracted, but wouldn't eat under a blanket. Nursing at church was a joke. And I just felt done nursing him. I felt anxious every time he cried, worrying that I wasn't producing enough... I wanted to be able to wear normal clothes again, and not have to think about how I could wrangle what I was wearing to be able to have access to my milk supply (if you will). Aaaannndddd I realized that it had been almost 3 years since I wasn't pregnant or breastfeeding or both... I was a little burnt out. And I didn't want to be a lot burnt out for subsequent babies (not like I'm thinking about more babies right now... I'm very happy with my two babies).

I talked to a friend who has an 18 month old that she is still nursing (someone I was concerned about judging me... she obviously is very pro nursing). She gave me nothing but encouragement. She helped me see that feeding a baby is so much more than providing nourishment for your child. It's emotional, emotional for me as the mother, and him as the baby. If feeding my baby is causing me anxiety, that alone might be a good reason to consider other options. It felt so good hearing so much positive feedback!

When I prayed about stopping, I felt really good about it. The only thing holding me back was my worry about what everyone would think. Once I realized that, I decided to take the plunge and try formula feeding for a week. Oh the freedom! Oh, and by the way, Corbin did amazingly well on formula! I was worried that he was going to resist the bottle, or refuse the formula (because Cambria did... News flash! Corbin is a different person than Cambria, but that's a blog post in and of itself) but he was a champ. It seemed like his spit up issues dramatically decreased, his crazy smelly gas went away, and his eczema on the side of his face cleared up (not immediately, but eventually). 

So now, almost two months later. I feel very comfortable in my decision to stop breastfeeding. Thank you to those who may not share my view, for keeping your opinions to yourself ;) ... and thank you to those who support me in this decision in telling me that you do. It helps so much to hear from people I really admire and look up to, that they aren't judging me for not breastfeeding till my son was at least 12 months old.