It's Undeniable

Heavenly Father is in the details of my life. He cares deeply, and is making Himself manifest in so many areas of my life.

He has been in every step of our journey, and we have really noticed it in the last few months. I don't want to make this post too long, so I'm going to bullet point a few things:

• Jonathan got an internship with General Mills last summer, the company that he thought he wanted to work for ever since he started in Food Science. 
• As we were there we thought we were going to end up there (I was looking at schools, housing, wards... the whole bit). But then we found out about a position opening up at BYU. Academia was never part of the plan, or on our radar. As we prayed about staying at General Mills, each one of us independently felt like we needed to try for BYU.
• When we came back home to Indiana, and made it a serious matter of prayer and thought about how that would happen logistically. We were a little nervous to turn down a great opportunity for the hope of something coming into fruition later. 
• As Jonathan thought about it, he knew he didn't want to continue down the current research path he was on, but didn't know what else would be interesting enough to make a career out of. As he prayed about it, thoughts and inspiration came flooding to his mind, thoughts of research topics that he hadn't thought about before. 
• If he wanted to switch research fields, then the need for a post-doc was essential. But graduating in May and potentially starting in August didn't leave much time. Then the thought came to try to defend his dissertation as early as possible and get a short term post-doc. 
• As he looked into post-doc positions at other schools, he felt like he should ask a recently hired Purdue faculty (doing research in the field he was interested in) for recommendations of good places to apply, and if doing a flexible post-doc was even an option. She basically offered him a position on the spot.
• Jonathan got an interview with BYU, even though there were many qualified candidates that applied (we were told by a few BYU faculty).
• He felt good about how the interview went. 
• Fast-forward to February 2017. I was due with Aveya on the 23, Jonathan originally planned to defend in the middle of the month, but some of his committee members couldn't make it, so they rescheduled for February 21! That turned out to be a blessing, because Aveya came on the 13. I was recovered enough to go to his defense (something I REALLY wanted to do).
• There were some amazing miracles and tender mercies associated with Aveya's birth. Things ranging from saying a silent prayer on Saturday night (Feb 11), just complaining a bit... "I really don't want to deal with being pregnant and this hip pain for another two weeks. If it's not going to be too crazy for Jonathan, can I have this baby early?" then starting contractions within minutes of that prayer... to being able to teach gospel doctrine by myself through my contractions, to all the help I had through my slow c-section recovery, to my kids not being jealous of Aveya... to the miracles of modern medicine, that although Aveya was sideways, she was born healthy and safely, and I was safe as well. 
• We have been struggling with this 2 year long phase Cambria has been in. She's been so defiant, and hard to parent (to not delve into too many things). I've really struggled with controlling my temper and trying to find ways to get through to her. Any parenting strategy that we have tried seemed to not work. But we got so many answers during General Conference (people keep telling us that we need to be more firm, but as I try that, I find it puts me in a bad place, and it isn't effective. But I felt overwhelmed by all the talks about treating people with love. Love is always the answer). We also started reading a parenting book that has been really awesome! As we have applied the little that we've read, it seems to be working! And it's in line with the things we heard and felt in General Conference!
• I have gotten into a motherhood rut, but with some sincere begging in prayer, I have had a few wonderful moments with each kid. I've had better days this week than I've had in a very long time. The enabling power of the atonement is real! And that's a miracle! 

As we wait to hear back from BYU (we won't hear back till May at the earliest), sometimes I get impatient, ok, most times. But after this weekend, and realigning my perspective, I know that it will turn out the way that it's supposed to. Heavenly Father has a plan, and he has been guiding us in undeniable ways.

365Gratitude day 8

I'm grateful for the inspiration of the Spirit. Today I turned a fun lesson into a spiritual one simply by following a small prompting.

I was prompted on things I need to do to be better, and I feel like the kids felt something that helped them see the scriptures in a different light.

I'm grateful for those simple promptings.

A Special Sealing

This weekend was super awesome for the Kershaws! Jonathan's dad got sealed to his parents yesterday!

So, let me give the back-story. Jonathan's dad (Bill) is a convert. He joined the church when he was 19. His mom (Joan) died when he was in 5th grade, and his dad remarried (to Pat). Much later in life (I think when Jonathan was 12 or so) Bill's dad joined the church and got sealed to Pat. Right before Bill's dad died, he asked Bill to seal him to Joan, but out of respect for Pat, he asked him to wait till she passed away.

Pat passed away this last summer. Right after we found out we were talking to mom and dad K, I asked out of curiosity if he had sealed his parents yet. He said he hadn't yet. Then just throwing things out there, I said that it would be awesome if they could wait to do that till they came to visit us (because that was already in the plans for them to come make a trip to visit James and Sadie (who just had a baby, thus the reason they are coming up,) and us.) Then the conversation/plans evolved. They decided that it would be super special to have the family that could make it, to be a part of this special event.

That happened Saturday, October 24. James, Jonathan and I, along with mom and dad Kershaw (of course) were there in the sealing room (Sadie wanted to be there, but someone had to watch their kids). It was such a unique experience to seal two deceased parents together, then seal a living child to his parents.

It was probably one of the most spiritual experiences I have had with doing sealings.

Time Out For Women

I went to Time Out for Women this year and it was amazing! I have never thought about going (or even bringing it up with Jonathan, since it's kind of expensive), but then a friend was trying to get the group discount, and so I put some thought into it. That was the push I needed to seriously consider it.

I decided to buy myself an early birthday present and go. Oh, what an excellent pay off the initial investment was!

I was feeling spiritually warn thin, and heaven knows I needed some time away from my kids. It was a perfect bucket filler for both of those needs of mine.

Some of my take home messages:

- A true measure of how converted we are is how we love and treat others- John Bytheway
- Get on your knees, get help, then get up and go - John Bytheway
- Sometimes our work isn't our best work, and it's not something we are happy with. But it's sufficient for the Lord's work. - Heidi Swinton
- We all need to really realize who we are, and then act accordingly. - Elaine S. Dalton
- Strengthen your faith every day, even if it's just during a 5 minute prayer or scripture study - Elaine S. Dalton
- Service outside of the home is well and good, but DO NOT serve outside of the home at the sacrifice of the inside of the home. - Elaine S. Dalton
- Sometimes with motherhood we need to lower the bar and be awesome. - Lisa Valenteen Clark (stop expecting unrealistic expectations, just realize what you can do and be awesome at that)
- if we are responding to our kids, and filling their needs, then we are doing enough - Lisa Valenteen Clark
- A wise woman renews herself - Laurel C. Day (quote from Neil A. Maxwell I believe)
- There is a common theme in discipleship... in order to be a disciple, we need to leave and let go of something. - Laurel C. Day
- (in regards to working on weaknesses - "sometimes it's hard") Pick your hard - it's either going to be hard to live with your weakness, or hard to overcome it... either way it's going to be hard. - Laurel C. Day
- Weakness is weakness (so don't judge other's weaknesses) we all need to change
- Steps to overcoming weakness - Laurel C. Day
  - make a daily promise (something you know you can keep)
  - Just be patient
  - don't compare
  - just do something
  - Pick your montra
  - some parts of discipleship require a hard walk
Happy People: (Hank Smith)
  - surround themselves with happy people
  - think happy thoughts
  - spend money on others
  - have deep IN-PERSON conversations
  - laugh
  - use the power of music
  - exercise and have a healthy diet
  - unplug and go outside (even for as short as 20 minutes a day will drastically improve your mood)
  - meditate - take time to stop and breath
- if things were different... you would still be the same - Hank Smith (more on that later)

It was so amazing!!! I had such a great time with the ladies I went with too!

This is Calee Reed! She is one of my new favorite people! She was the guest singer and is AMAZING!!! I was so inspired by her! (more on that later too)

(I took other pictures, but for some reason they aren't where I thought they were, and it's late, so I'll edit this post when I can get them where I need them)

Miracles Happen

** does anyone else read that title and have the song pop into their heads (the one that is on Princess Diary's?)**

So I wanted to document this amazing experience I had the other day. I was shopping at Walmart and I put my keys in the cart so that Cambria could play with them (she is getting to the stage where the cart is so much more interesting than the seat up top...). After several hours of shopping, I finally checked out, as I was doing that I noticed that my key fob was on the floor (Miracle #1). I thought oh, that's random, I'm glad I saw that fall off. That would be a bad thing to loose. I picked it up and didn't think to look at my keys to see why it fell off. Cambria was starting to get anxious to get home so I was hurrying out of the store. When we got all the groceries put in our van I grabbed my lanyard and looked at the key ring... this is what I saw:

My stomach immediately dropped. Where are my keys? Cambria saw my face and said "mommy?" (she is so in tune with my emotions... it's kind of crazy!) I said "Cambria, where are mommy's keys?" I looked at the cart, and they weren't in there. They could be anywhere! So I called Jonathan and he picked up (miracle #2) and I told him my situation and he said that he was on his way to drop off his key so we could get home (miracle #3, he was available to come up). I said a prayer and started tracing my steps. As I was looking around where I checked out the bagger asked if I needed anything. I told them my situation and she said that I should talk to customer service. I did that and nothing was turned in. I left my phone number and a description of my keys then kept tracing my steps. As I started doing this my fussy, tired baby (Corbin) fell asleep in the cart (miracle #4) and Cambria was happy to go throug the store again, even though she was just asking to go home (#5). I literally retraced every step I took (all the while Cambria was saying "Where keys? A-bye-bye", too cute) but I wasn't crazy anxious (#6) and I asked every worker I saw if they had seen my keys. After retracing every step Jonathan was with me and helping me load the kids in the car. When he handed me his key I got a phone call. It was customer service; they found my keys (#7)! And, I hadn't left yet, so I could still run in and grab them (#8) and Jonathan hadn't left yet, so he could stay with the kids while I ran in (#9). When I came to pick them up, this was the condition of my key ring:

Not a single key had fallen off, even though it would have been so easy for all of them to be off (#10).

Coincidence? I think not!

This was such a testimony builder that after everything we can do the Lord will make up the rest. I literally did all within my power to find them, and after I did that, my keys were found. 

And I was able to teach Cambria about prayer, and how much Heavenly Father is aware of our needs.

Journaling

As I was surfing Pinterest the other day I saw an idea to start a "Victory Journal". It's basically a way for you to record small victories daily. I thought it was a good idea, then I remembered the advice given in General Conference (by President Eyring) to have a gratitude journal.
I'm sad to say that the Pinterest idea made me want to start a journal and not the advice given by an apostle of the Lord. In my defense, I thought the advice given by President Eyring was great, and I wanted to try it out but I didn't feel like I was in a stage of life to do it at the time. Now that I have given up on trying to write in a Journal on my computer daily (it just doesn't happen... I want to add too much detail, so it takes too long to be sustainable); I have decided that I need a new approach. This is it (along with trying to blog a little more frequently, and in shorter, less overwhelming posts).
I have started making a bulleted list of blessings that happen throughout the day. It's quick, easy, and it helps me feel the Spirit more strongly. It also helps me be more grateful and think more positively before I say my night time prayers.

What a day!

Today Cambria woke up and she was super lethargic, I was thinking that it might be because her schedule has been all out of wack (more on that later), or maybe because we got her up before she was ready to get up. But then it happened... she vomited.
Sometimes she has done just a little spit up, and then she's good. That's kind of what this seemed like. It wasn't much, and she seemed fine afterwards. Jonathan had to run to work to do a quick something in the lab, and while he was gone, she pooped and had a blow out. She has done that a few times in the last few days, but before that she hadn't done that in about a year. Then I sat her up after her diaper change (and a new change of clothes) and she vomited again. This time it was a lot, and it got on the carpet. I was at a loss for how to clean her up, so I threw her in the tub (she liked that) and let her play. Since I couldn't leave her alone in the tub, I had to ignore my screaming baby... poor kid. After I got her out of the tub, a new set of clothes on her, and the most recent vomit cleaned up; I decided that it was time to give Corbin some attention. As I was changing his bum, Cambria came up and vomited again! This time it was more! Again, it got on the carpet, but this time it was on our crazy long carpeted rug (for those of you who haven't seen it, the pile is about 3" at least). Poor girl, she started crying and I almost did too! I felt so bad!
Then daddy came home! Yay!! He got her started on some lunch, in hopes to help her get hydrated and new food in her belly before nap time. We had some pop left over so we tried to give her that. She didn't want it... she didn't really eat anything, then... she vomited again! Then to top it all off, Corbin spit up too!

But, here is the cool part. As I was getting Cambria ready to go down for a nap, I was anxious about putting her to bed and having her throw up all over the crib. So I asked Jonathan to give her a blessing. In the blessing he said that according to Cambria's faith, she would be healed. He also said that he blessed her to keep this remembrance in her heart so that she would remember that miracles happen and that Jesus loved her.
I felt much better after that. I put her to bed and when she woke up she was her regular, happy self! I'm so grateful for the power of the priesthood. I'm grateful that all I need to do to get the blessings of heaven poured out upon our family is walk into the next room and ask my husband for a blessing.

Heavenly Father is so aware of us, and our needs. He has real power, and He is willing to bless us.

Look for the Good

I think I have mentioned that Jonathan and I often spend a good portion of the evening after Cambria goes to bed talking about how cute she is. I really feel like it's therapeutic, it reminds me that although she is in a tough stage right now, that she is cute most of the time, and helps me remember that I love her.

I was thinking about how good that is for my mental strength to see the good in her for such a long period of time each day. Then a thought came to mind: what if I did that with other people that are close to me; Jonathan, my siblings etc. When you live with someone it's really easy to see the things that bug you about them, or the nice things they do for you become routine. But, how much better would my relationship be if I actually spent an allotted amount of time just thinking of the good things that Jonathan does for me, or the things that I love about him?

Don't get me wrong, my relationship with him is great, but could it be greater? Always... no relationship is perfect.

AAAANNNDDDD.... How much greater would my relationship be with my Heavenly Father and the Savior if I did the same thing, or if I just took an allotted amount of time to thank them for the blessings I receive daily.

Food for thought.

Joy

Sometimes I find it easy to get caught in the monotony of daily life. I found myself praying the other night to enjoy Cambria a little more, and to appreciate the cute things she does. It was a minuscule part of my prayer, and something I rarely pray for (but something I thought would be really nice to have).

Heavenly Father answers prayers.

I found joy watching her eat each individual noodle in her mac'n'cheese, and I cherished the uncoerced cuddle she gave me while we read stories. I thought it was adorable when I came out of the bathroom to find her in the hall, crying and saying my name while holding her head as if she were in serious distress.

She's a doll, and I love her a lot. I love her even more when I don't take these moments for granted.

Blessings

**To be completely honest, now that I'm 26 and paying for my own health insurance money has all of the sudden become very tight.**

That being said, let's get on with the story:

For the last week to two weeks Jonathan has said that his cells at work haven't been working out (not growing well, dying prematurely, getting contaminated...) whatever it is, he hasn't been able to do many if any experiments. If this continued he didn't think he could make it out for our quick vacation to Philly to support my brother for his Dental School Graduation! My whole family will be there so it's more than just a grad, it's a family reunion.

Well... his cells didn't cooperate. So we decided on Monday that he needed to stay home. With that came the question: how am I going to get myself and Cambria there? After a lot of phone calls we decided that I would ride with my sister out there (she had room out there but not on the way back) and then we would check the price of a one way flight back home. We saw some for $140, which would be less than gas going both ways, so we thought that was a deal! Right before we clicked to order the ticket we thought we should check some other sites. We saw a direct flight, at a better time of day for $39.00!!!! We jumped on that one for sure!

We did not fail to recognize how much money this would save us, and thank our Heavenly Father for both the inspiration to fly home, and also the inspiration to look at a few more sites before booking with the first site.

We have two vacations planned this summer, this one and one to visit Jonathan's family. Both of which are going to be expensive, and if we did both, we wouldn't have enough money budgeted. We felt like it was important to go to both, and so we kept with our original plans to make it to both events. Blessings like this one is how we are going to be able to make them work financially. Thank You Heavenly Father!

My Emotional Journey

I had quite a journey yesterday. I want to share. WARNING: THIS IS A LONG POST!

As I was on Facebook I saw a picture of a guy friend from high school, posing with a girl and they seemed very happy. Then I read the caption with the picture "She said yes". Here's what went through my head... "wait, he's engaged? I thought he was married... I KNOW he was married... What happened?" So that shows you how much I keep up with some friends from high school. In my defense, he's a guy, and I try to keep guy relationships at a safe distance. He is also a previous crush that I had through ALL of high school, I also was convinced that I was going to marry him (not like "haha, you're cute" kind of convinced, but I was really convinced. I wrote him on his mission, and happened to be single when he got back, then he broke my heart... hard... like really hard (side note: the reason why he broke my heart so bad wasn't because he did anything horrible, he just didn't give me closure (which we all know not communicating with me is like an unpardonable sin in my book, I have a HUGE need for communication) and also because I was that smitten)). I promise, there was a reason why I disclosed all that information. Ya, makes sense why I'm not that close with him anymore.

Anyway, when I saw that he was engaged (yesterday), I had a lot of emotions running through my head. He got married after I did, like a year after I did so his first marriage couldn't have lasted that long. I immediately jumped to: "please tell me that his wife died..." I know that's horrible, but then that would explain his marital status, and divorce wouldn't be in the picture. He's a really good kid, and I couldn't imagine him getting a divorce. Long story short, I did some serious stalking and found out he must have gotten a divorce. I was really shaken by this news.

Ok... there's the background, let me tell you about my journey.

My first thought was horrible. My first thought was "it's a good thing I didn't marry him, because then I would be the one divorced." I know, horrible... Don't judge. I don't think things like that often, maybe it was because of the of pain he caused me. Other thoughts passed through my head, like the small issues he had communicating with me, or other faults he may have had. These thoughts lingered for a long time. Ya horrible, I know. Stick with me, it gets better.

I just couldn't get him out of my head, I was so shocked that such a good guy was divorced after such a short time. How could that happen? Then better thoughts started coming to mind. I started thinking about the good people I know who are divorced, more specifically the good young people I know. I only know a few, but in every situation of marriages ending early (under two years) it's because of abuse. Granted, this is not always the case, but this was the next thought that I had. I liked this situation a lot better than my original "he is a monster and he can't have a healthy relationship" thought. He very well could have been a victim of something horrible, and the early termination of his marriage could have been completely out of his control. This possibility felt so much better on my nerves.

As I was mulling those thoughts in my head, this thought came to mind. "He's a good guy, yes he has faults, but I'm sure they aren't any worse than any other imperfect person in a healthy relationship". This hit me hard. Yes, he has faults, so do I , everyone does. The miracle of it all is that our faults don't have to be fatal to our relationships. That's what's so wonderful about the atonement, and about the miracle of forgiveness. That's the key, though, we have to forgive, forget, and move on. Don't let the imperfections of those we love get in the way of loving them. I'm really grateful I had that thought, because that was a huge ah-ha. I feel like that was pure inspiration.

Can you tell that I was thinking about this for a long time? The news had a HUGE impact on me, and I thought about it all day. I'm grateful that I did, though, because I went on a journey. One that started out in a really bad spot, full of judgement and criticism. Thankfully, it didn't end there, I was able to get to a point where I really feel like I have just as much respect for him as I did when he was on his mission (minus the infatuation ;) ). My journey ended with peace, respect and a little insight on how to improve my own relationships.

So... Love those you love. Assume the best; it's so much better for your emotional health.