365 gratitude day 35

Today I'm grateful for something seemingly insignificant. I spent a long time cleaning my van. And I'm grateful it's clean.

I have been thinking poorly of my van, wishing I could sell it and get something better for the same price. My brother in law works magic when it comes to buying and selling vehicles. I'm driving to Utah in March, so naturally, my dreams have been to being home a new van.

******

I need to take it to the shop, the check engine light keeps coming on, and it was a mess! I think that's why I wasn't happy with it. It was really, really gross. I'm hoping to get it fixed this week, and now it's clean, so maybe those two things will help improve my thoughts towards it.

365 gratitude 33 and 34

I'm so grateful for inspiration. I can't tell you how many times thoughts come into my mind that will help me help my kids, or help me to say the right thing.

I'm also grateful for all the awesome people I have met through my show. I have made some good friends, who have opened my eyes in all the best ways. It's not uncommon for me to come home from rehearsal and tell Jonathan something that I learned, or observed, that lifted me.

365 gratitude day 32

Cambria has been sick the past few days, so she had been sleeping a lot. It felt like she slept most of the day, so I got to spend some good quality time with Corbin. I'm grateful for that! I already feel like Corbin has middle child syndrome and he's not even the middle child!

I'm trying to give him the attention he needs, but is so easy to give it to the one who speaks louder than him...

365 gratitude day 31

I'm grateful that I was there too help with bed time. I got to read the kids books and sing them songs. I think they even asked me to do it. That is rarely the case, daddy is a lot more fun.

365 gratitude day 30

Today I'm grateful for moments my kids make me laugh. They both made me laugh today for different things.

Corbin is getting into a really fun stage. He is starting to do things just to make us laugh. He is a cutie.

365 gratitude 28 and 29

I'm so grateful for opportunities to be vulnerable. You can learn a lot about a person when you both are vulnerable.

I'm grateful for moments that strengthen my marriage. Today was a day that I felt it get stronger, that doesn't happen that dramatically very often.

365 gratitude day 27

Today is my mom's birthday. I would be... ... something bad... if I didn't do my gratitude post on her today.

My mom is amazing, super woman, angelic, ... I could go on. I just want to be with her so maybe, just maybe some of her awesomeness, goodness, etc etc well rub off on me.

I'm so grateful for the relationship I have with her as an adult. My relationship with her as a child and adolescent were good, but I feel like every stage is different and thus my relationship with her changes. I really hope I can grow up to be like her. She is so amazing!

Love you mom, happy birthday.

PS. I do plan on doing a real "happy birthday" post later, like what I did with Amy, but I don't have the time right now.

365 gratitude day 26

Today I'm grateful for uplifting media. Today was H-A-R-D!!! I was struggling with my mood mostly, so I decided to turn in Mormon channel music and Come Thou Fount was playing. That was the first time I REALLY felt the words. I had felt the Spirit while singing it, and I love that song. But today I really wanted to be bound in every way to the Lord. I needed Him to help me through; and I knew how much I was lacking today. ...Then I Need Thee Every Hour came on. Needless to say: I was crying.

I needed an emotional escape later, so I turned on a video series on the Mormon channel, and was lifted again. I'm so grateful that I have stuff like that at my finger tips.

365 gratitude day 24 and 25

My thought for yesterday: I'm grateful for moments to just cuddle my babies. I had good cuddles with each one individually. It fills me up emotionally, and I know this time that they want to be close is short. I'm grateful that I am the one they come to when they need a cuddle. I'm not crazy fun like daddy (I'm working on being more fun), but I am a nurture-er, and I'm grateful that they know they can get that from me.

Thought from today: it snowed today, we took a drive down to Lafayette. As we drove, I noticed the trees were all covered in snow, and the sky was beautifully overcast. It was such a subtle beauty; it wasn't grand, if you weren't looking for it, you would have missed it.
I'm grateful that I noticed it. It filled me today.

365 Gratitude day 23

First of all, can you believe it's been 23 days since Christmas?

... anyway...

Today I'm grateful for fun days! The Indianapolis Zoo offers free admission on Martin Luther King day. All we had to do was donate to their food drive! Bam! Free admission? Yes please!! Oh, it's 10 degrees outside? No biggie...

I read an article at the beginning of winter that said among other things that Norwegians believe there's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. If they can handle their weather and still go outside, so can we. So we bundled up and made the treck! It paid off! We got to see a dolphin show (my first, I have never been to one, I was just as giddy as my kids!) and both kids LOVED it! Cambria wanted to go down close before it started, so we spent about 5 minutes with our faces pressed to the glass just watching the dolphins swim! I felt some of my childhood giddiness come back! I love dolphins, but I've never been that close to one. It was amazing! I think this picture captures Cambria's joy!

 

When I got her to go back up with daddy. Jonathan mentioned that Corbin has been pointing, and saying please. So I took him down and he was captivated! He really didn't want to go back up to sit on the risers when the show was about to start! When it started we were all mesmerized! I've never seen Corbin so captivated. He kept asking for more please (signed) when it was over.

When we left it had warmed up to bearable (before, I really felt like my face was going to freeze off) and we saw some orangutans and learned that momma orangutans only have babies once every six to nine years! We saw a tiger (who came right up to the glass. I was shocked with how big he was!) a polar bear, lemar, red panda, brown bear, seals, walrus' and sea animals. Cambria saw a playground and was convinced the tiger (or anything else for that matter) was as cool as the playground. Jonathan was a good sport and played with her on the playground while Corbin and I watched longingly from inside a nearby restaurant (well, one of us watched longingly... I'll let you guess who that was) The penguins were a hit! Both the kids loved watching them swim and jump from the water onto the land and then waddle around! I think Corbin likes water animals best.

After the dolphin show.

This is how we kept Corbin warm. He was in two layers of
clothing, and a big coat and gloves, but we thought this
 might take the wind off his face a little.

Today was just a good, fun day. We are reminded every time we have a day like this, that we should have more days like this.

365 Gratitude day 22

I've mentioned this before, but it still rings true. I'm grateful for the complements of other people. Today several people came up to me and told me that (either) I was doing a good job (or) they appreciated the work I was doing. That made me feel good considering some thoughts that went through my head this past week.

365 grateful day 21

Today we swapped babysitting and went it on a date!
We got a gift card to olive garden for Christmas, and decided to use it today. It was so wonderful to be with just Jonathan. We made a decision that we weren't aloud to talk about kids, work, potty training or other "normal parent" talk. I'm not very good at talking about other things, so we printed out a list of get to know your questions designed for your spouse and started asking. It was the most refreshing date I've been on in a long time!

I'm grateful for everything that played into that awesome night. For the gift card giver, the babysitting swapper (she was amazing! She made us feel like we could leave for as long as we wanted, which was so nice because we didn't have the pressure of "we have to get home and relieve the babysitter". I'm grateful that we had those questions. And I'm grateful for my hot date!

365 gratitude day 20

I'm so grateful for inspiration! I have been thinking about becoming a Mary Kay consultant, and today I met with the Mary Kay lady. I have been feeling so good about doing it, but after the meeting I just felt confused and a little heavy (if that makes sense). After talking to Jonathan about it and looking over the materials that she left with me, the feeling was undeniable.

So for many reasons that are very clear now, I'm not going to do that.

At the moment, I feel like I need/want something to look forward to that's not mommy related and it wouldn't hurt if it made us some money. I'm finding I'm much happier of a person and a mom if I can get out of the house without the kids a few nights a week. Who knows if anything will actually happen, but that's how I'm currently feeling. It will probably change in a few weeks ;)

365 gratitude day 19

The more people I get to know people in the show, the more I like the people I get to know. Today I talked to a few people about religious things. I'm so grateful that I can be surrounded by those who are very religious. It's nice to know that there is a common faith shared with a lot of the cast. I'm grateful for good people who lift and build people up.

365 gratitude day 18

Wow! I have had the good days in a row! Maybe this grateful thing is working! I know it is. I'm already finding multiple things to be grateful for, and I'm recognizing my God for them.

Today I'm grateful for three good days in a row! Today wasn't easy, Cambria had the major accidents (have I mentioned that we are potty training?) But it didn't get to me as much! Things just haven't been phasing me as much. I'm grateful for that!

Random other thing I'm grateful for: it snowed this week. Not much, just enough to cover the ground. But I have noticed my house has been a lot brighter! I'm grateful that the light reflecting from the show means more natural light in my house!

Anything Goes!

Last year, probably around June or so, I looked on Civic's (the local theatre here) website and saw they were doing a musical in March. I was thinking that this would be a good time in my life to do another show; I'm not pregnant, or nursing. My kids are old enough that they aren't needy like a baby is, Jonathan is in a good place with school (not too crazy busy yet) and he has a lot more flexibility than he will when he has a full time job.

Then the dreaming began. I started wondering if I could get a good part (I was dreaming of a lead, not THE lead, but one of the romantic leads) if I started preparing then. So I kind of did, I dreamed more than I prepared though...

Fast forward several months and I have an audition spot! Then the real prepping starts. I start watching youtube videos trying to revive my very poor tap skills. I start searching for the perfect audition song and I start messaging one of my friends from Western (who helped me SO MUCH!!!) because I was feeling so out of practice. I was doubting myself with EVERYTHING, even things I knew, like how to introduce myself at an audition.

A few days leading up to the audition I was practicing about an hour a day (Thanks Jonathan for giving me an hour of kid free time each day). Then the day came! I had bought a perfect dress, I had done my hair perfectly and I felt pretty good about my prep for my audition. This whole time, my prayer became "please help me to feel good about my performance in my audition, and it would be nice if I could make Hope Harcourt."

I ended up feeling really good about my audition, and I even made a friend! Bonus! She is in a similar stage of life as me, a mom and hasn't done theatre in several years. That felt good that I had someone who I could talk to and not feel crazy out of place.

A few days later I found out that I made one of the show girls (one of the lead's sidekicks) and I was worried about being able to keep to my standards. I called the director and she reassured me that things would be rated PG. So I accepted the role and became really excited!

I have to admit, that at first I was a little deflated (because I really really wanted Hope), but then got really excited when I started realizing what my part was.

I have started rehearsals this week and it's been such a blessing having something to think about and somewhere to go to get out of the house regularly. It's really nice to have adult interaction on a regular basis too.

I know frustrations will come, that's part of life. They have come, but I know that overall this will be a very fun experience for me and I'm so excited!!

**side note, I have told people that I got one of the lead dancing roles... not true, I'm actually not in many numbers (one of the deflations/frustrations so far). So the part I received is more of the lead's sidekick...

365 Grateful Day 17

Today I'm grateful that so many people randomly contacted me. I had several conversations with other adults today. :)

365 Grateful day 16

Today was a middle of the road day. Not too many crazy "ups" or "downs". I'm super grateful for the not too many downs. :)

I still felt the lingering sadness (or the weight on my chest)... still trying to decide if I have depression or not, but I just stated and restated my new mantra: no big deal. ...It helps!

For example: I walk in the kitchen, from struggling with Cambria in a different room, to find Corbin sitting in a puddle of spilled milk from the cereal bowl. It's all over the table, the chair and my freshly mopped floor. I usually would roll my eyes and say "are you kidding me!?" And then blow everything out if the water... but if I repeat my mantra instead, I say "no big deal" and take the literally 30 seconds it takes to wipe it up and say "there. All better" and I'm not overly emotional... which is better for all who are in the house.

365 grateful day 15

I think I should rename this: 365 grateful for Jonathan.

He is just the greatest. He makes me laugh, I love to laugh. Sometimes I take life to seriously, so it's nice to have a guy in my life who knows when to make light of life a little.

But I thought of something else too. I'm grateful that my lesson that I planned for the kids today worked so well! It's hard to get kids to sing for twenty minutes, but today they all had fun, even the ones who usually don't sing were engaged! I'm grateful that I stumbled across the blog that I did. This lady is amazing, she really focuses on teaching music in a way to get kids to learn it, not just to have fun during singing time.

365 Grateful day 14

Today I'm grateful for fun days. I went to a Mary Kay party. It was fun to get out of the house and do something 100 percent just for me. Then I did a mystery shopping assignment. So I got a free facial, and a free meal! Bam! Awesome!

Side note: I'm probably going to host my own party (mostly because I wanted to get free stuff for my friend who hosted this party, and also because there is this awesome bag that Mary Kay sells, that I really want (it's the one you have, Sadie) and because I want to get another facial :) and because it doesn't take much to get me to find an excuse to have a girl party.)

And I'm toying around with the idea of selling... is that crazy? I haven't ever used Mary Kay products on a regular basis, but I know they are good, and it could fill my social needs (with trainings, and hosting parties) and give us a little financial boost...

I would welcome any advice, if you have opinions one way or another, I'd love to hear them.

365 gratitude day 13

Here's my vlog for today.

https://goo.gl/photos/dUArykmh29v8ejmd8

365 grateful day 12

I'm grateful that today was a genuinely good day. Nothing too frustrating, or anything to make me want Jonathan to come home and save me.

365 Grateful day 11

We have started potty training Cambria, and it has been HARD (just like everyone said)! That was the main reason why I was so done with the day yesterday.

Well, today was better. I'm grateful for that! I'm grateful that we only had two major accidents.

I had one big long event that leads me to my gratitude today. After lunch, Cambria said that she needed to go potty. So I dropped everything and we ran to the potty, leaving Corbin to fend for himself. Poor kid. When Cambria had gone potty, she refused to wash her hands. I decided that I didn't want to be ignored, so I told her to come out when she washed her hands, and left. I walked into the kitchen and saw my phone in a nice puddle of ramen broth (don't judge, yes that's what we had for lunch). Corbin had climbed on the chair and dumped my bowl over. Thankfully my phone wasn't wet, because the case protected it (that's the first gratitude). After taking care of my phone, Cambria came out, so I asked her if she washed her hands. She hadn't, so I picked her up, and gave her some hand sanitizer. She didn't like that very much, and decided that screaming at the top of her lungs was the way to solve it (not crying, just screaming). I didn't want to hear it, so I left her to go clean up the ramen mess... As I got started with that, Corbin had found one of my favorite pairs of heels and was pulling out the sole. So I promptly took those away, all the while Cambria was still screaming. So I put her in her room and told her that when she calmed down she could come out (I'm not the biggest fans of "time out" but sometimes I can't think of another option that I'm willing to do in the heat of the moment). As I finished cleaning the kitchen, Cambria calmed down and I noticed that Corbin was soaked in broth, I took him to the bedroom to get new clothes, opened the door and got a nice wiff of essence of poop. That was it. I couldn't do it.

... or so I thought. I walked away and still felt very calm. I didn't want to deal with cleaning up her poop, I wasn't ready to tackle that mess yet. But I was so grateful that I wasn't overly stressed, or too mad to think straight. I quickly said a prayer, thanking Heavenly Father that I was able to handle the situation better than similar situations in times past.

365 grateful day 10

Today was a challenging day. I was ready to throw the towel in by noon. I told Jonathan that I needed a break when he got home, and the minute he got home, he asked me what he should do. I told him I wanted to escape for a few hours. He said that was fine. So I did absolutely nothing productive, and window shopped in the home decor section at Gordmans.

It was exactly what I needed today. I think I might sound like a broken record, but seriously, this guy of mine... he's pretty great.

365 grateful day 9

I'm grateful for tender moments. Both that I get to witness, and that I get to participate in. Today Jonathan read Cambria some bedtime stories. For the last book, Cambria laid down and asked Jonathan to as well. It was so sweet watching them read together, I will have a mental snapshot of that moment for a long time.

Jonathan is such a great dad, I'm so grateful for that too.

I'm so blessed.

365Gratitude day 8

I'm grateful for the inspiration of the Spirit. Today I turned a fun lesson into a spiritual one simply by following a small prompting.

I was prompted on things I need to do to be better, and I feel like the kids felt something that helped them see the scriptures in a different light.

I'm grateful for those simple promptings.

365 grateful day 8

This week I have become obsessed researching washers and dryers. We have a set that works fine, but the washer is in the house and the dryer it's in the garage. It's not a big deal, but it would be nice to have them in the same location. So I have been searching craigslist to find a stackable. But I need a TINY stackable because our space is so small.

Well last night we did some looking and had a list if options in Indy and surrounding areas. But then, our babysitter fell through, so we decided that I would go by myself.

This morning as I was making final calls, all the options kept falling through (either I couldn't get a hold of them, or the unit was to big). We decided to put it off for a week and see what prospects we had. As a last ditch effort, I contacted a guy I had been in contact with earlier this week to get a little more info on the set I was looking at. He texted back and I felt like there was no reason not to go get them. So we drove the hour long trip one way with the kids in tow and had a good time doing it! Then we met the guy and he was so friendly! After looking them over we pulled out the $300 to pay for them (which is a steal in and if itself, for a stackable front load) and he said "just give me $260, you've got little ones, and every bit counts with them."

It was a small act of kindness, but one we are so grateful for! With two little ones, and being in grad school... every, EVERY little bit counts.

We felt like there was no denying the guidance from Heavenly Father today.

365 grateful day 6 and 7

Yesterday, I was grateful that Jonathan thought to make new years eve fun. That was probably one of the most memorable parties I've been too!

Today I'm thankful that we had some friends come over. They stayed for a long time and I was so filled by having them come. I'm a text-book extrovert. I love being with people, the more the better!