Balance (Warning: it's a long post)

I have a friend who has been struggling to get pregnant for a long time (I think she's coming close to two years, if I remember right). She has a blog that I love to read because she expresses how she is feeling so honestly, and I can relate to a lot of what she is saying. She wrote something the other day that really hit me, and I have been pondering about ever since. This is her quote:
"Some people really don't get it. I'm seriously convinced that there are those who think everyone wants to hear about their pregnancy, or their sister's baby or how wonderful parenthood is...
I'm here to let you know not everyone is strong enough to hear anything dealing with children."

I can totally relate to how she is feeling. Sometimes (especially on an emotionally bad day) it feels like everyone out there is an insensitive pregnant woman (or insensitive person who is wrapped up in their wife’s, or sisters, or daughters... (etc) pregnancy) who just has to flaunt the fact that they can get pregnant. It hurts a lot. I know how much it hurts to simply be in the presence of a pregnant person, I know how much more it hurts for them to talk about (and the WORST is complain about) their pregnancy. I also hated how pregnant people stuck together; they would sit together, and talk just amongst themselves.

Now that I'm on the other end it's a really hard place to be at as well. Pregnancy is something a woman lives with day in and day out for 9 months! They eat, sleep, and dream pregnancy, and the thing that is most on a pregnant woman's mind is the baby. So of course she's going to talk about it. Not only that, but there are all these new things happening inside of a first-time mother's body that she has never experienced before... so of course she is going to want to talk about them. Make sure she is normal... or at least talk to someone who is going through the same things. Now I understand why pregnant people come in packs.

And pregnancy isn’t always comfortable; pregnancy is not 280 days of bliss and comfort. Feeling lousy day in and day out gets to some women… puking once a week isn't the most fun thing. Having a sore back, hips, and joints, along with not getting much sleep really isn't fun sometimes. Especially when there’s nothing you can do about it. Now I understand why some people complain about pregnancy.

But on the flip side, pregnancy is a wonderful experience! There are things that happen that are sacred and personal. It’s a time of a ton of anticipation! It’s an exciting time: it’s exciting for you, your family, your husband, and your friends. So of course you are going to want to share your excitement with everyone around you! … Now I understand why people who are pregnant talk about it all the time.

When I was going through my infertility struggles, I promised myself that I wouldn’t complain. I’m not perfect at it. I try to be honest when people ask me how I’m feeling, if I’m starting to feel uncomfortable when I bend over, I’m going to tell them. Or if I didn’t expect my hips to be sore already, but they are, I’m going to tell them. I don’t want people to think that I have the easiest pregnancy in the world, free from aches or pains because that’s not true… but it’s not horrible. It’s great actually. And I couldn’t feel more blessed that I am pregnant right now.

I also told myself that I wasn’t going to be one of those “insensitive” pregnant women. But, I have offended people because I’m pregnant, I know I have. And I don’t know how to find that balance between being excited for this pregnancy and sharing my excitement, and being sensitive to those people who are struggling. Part of me doesn’t want to put anything up on facebook, or my blog about my pregnancy. Because I have had days when I got on (when I was struggling with infertility) and it felt like I was bombarded with cute pregnant belly pictures, and cute pictures of everyone’s babies, or posts about pregnancy etc. It hurt, a lot. But I also want to share this fun time of my life with those I love; especially since I’m not physically close to a lot of you.

So… My conclusion is that it’s hard on both sides. It’s hard to hear about pregnancy when you would give anything to be pregnant yourself. And sometimes it’s hard to be pregnant. It’s really hard to be sensitive to those who may be struggling, simply because the situation is the issue. I’m still struggling with this internal battle, but my conclusion is, as long as there is a balance of pregnancy to non pregnancy posts/photos etc. and I talk to everyone around me (and don't just stick to the pregnant packs) then I’m doing alright.

To those who were pregnant when I wasn’t: Thank you so much for being so sensitive and understanding. I didn’t understand the difficulty of what I was asking you to do. But thank you for being willing to be understanding and sensitive.

PS. And in my friend’s defense. I’m sure she was just having a bad day. She posted this last month, so I know that the first post was on a hard day. “Babysitting or being around children, when we are having a good day, is the best way Rich and I are able to cope. It helps us keep perspective of what our goal really is.”